JOYEUSES FÊTES - HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Nous souhaitons des très joyeuses fêtes et une bonne année à tous nos lecteurs.

Pour l’occasion, nous vous offrons cet article de Pierre Foglia paru dans la Cyberpresse du 21 décembre qui décrit jusqu’à quel point on peut pousser la rectitude politique au sein d’une société qui cherche à plaire à tout le monde à tout prix.


Mon beau sapin

A very happy holiday season to all our faithful readers.

The following two of a series of articles were written by a friend of C.A.G.E., John Savage from the UK. Enjoy.

6,000+ Chemicals in Brussel Sprouts

A stark warning was issued earlier today by the charity Action against Relaxation, Socialising and Enjoyment (ARSE), concerning the lethal nature of the most traditional accompliment to the Christmas lunch - the Brussel sprout.

ARSE's chief scientific officer, Dr (bought off the internet) E Bonnie Kneeser-Scruge, stated, "As we all know, Brussel sprouts contain over 6,000+ chemicals. These include glucosinolates, sinigrin, progoitrin, glocobrassicin, carotenes, benzene acetonitrile, benzene propane nitrile, folates, 1-H-indole-3-acetonitrile, ascorbic acid, phenylthiocarbamide, goitrogens, benzene ethyl isothiocyanate and sulforaphane. One can hardly imagine what damage this lethal chemical mixture is causing to the health of the nation, especially to that of the children."

When challenged that she had only listed less than twenty of these 6,000+ chemicals, Dr (of Propaganda and Deceiving The Public) Kneeser-Scruge replied."As we all know, those 6,000+ chemicals are in Brussels sprouts. It's only a matter of using state of the art detection equipment, theorising or fabricating evidence to prove their existence. That is why we are urging the public to increase their donations to fund this vital research."

When challenged that ARSE was practically completely funded by government grants, Dr Kneeser-Scruge denied this, stating that the tax system was the most efficient means of collecting public donations.



Legal Age For Sitting On Santa's Lap To be Raised to 18

Anti-Christmas campaigners welcomed lifting the legal age for sitting on Santa's lap to 18. Government statistics show that 9% of young people aged 1 to 15 sit on Santa's lap, down from 13% in 1996. Most sit on Santa's lap in departmental stores. A trading standards survey in 2005 found that 12% of departmental stores were willing to allow children clearly under the current legal age of 16 to do so.

Deputy Health Secretary, Ima Killjoy, said, "Sitting on Santa's lap is dangerous at any age, but the younger people start, the more likely they are to become lifelong Christmas addicts and to die early.

"Someone who starts enjoying Christmas aged 15 is 3.12 (RR. 3.12, 2% CI: 0.00-6.24) times more likely to die of a Brussel sprout related condition than someone who starts in their late 20s. Enjoying Christmas has been too easy for under-16s, and this is partly due to retailers allowing them to sit on Santa's lap when blatantly under the legal age.

Dr Mercy Ree-Barstaad, director of ARSE (Action against Relaxation, Socialising and Enjoyment), welcomed the change but said the current fines on departmental stores were pitiful, with most given a verbal warning.